urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:peacebemine peacebemine peacebemine 2007-11-01T19:57:48Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:peacebemine:878 2007-11-01T19:57:48Z 2007-11-01T19:57:48Z <font color="#ff00ff"><font size="3">Yet again... I just cant help myself.<br /><br />I work as a one to one carer and spend a lot of my time out and about at "eating places", of cause I have to eat, so I have just one small meal a day nothing more just enough to stop people suspecting me.<br /><br />Yesterday I'd ran out of the good old laxatives and freaked when I realised, so this morning straight out to buy some, bought double strength took some and felt really proud.. lolol&nbsp; get home to a load of abuse from other half feel shit so take some more, what the f@~k am I doing to myself pretty obvious I'm going to get no sleep tonight!!!<br /><br />I feel sometimes I'm normal then boooom something starts me off.<br /><br />What the heck do I do??<br /><br /><br /></font></font> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:peacebemine:612 2007-11-01T10:11:51Z 2007-11-01T10:12:35Z <font color="#ff00ff"><font size="4">I am battling today, home life rubbish. work rubbish in fact everything is rubbish.<br /><br />Ive ran out of laxatives just when I needed them, I ate at teatime yesterday cos the person I was with likes to eat out whenever there with me, think it makes them feel better to offer me food, I know their concerned about me, they have seen me loose 1 1/2 stone in a matter of weeks. If I'm happy I feel almost normal and food isn't as big a issue, but being in a controlled relationship controlling my food is the only thing I have, so I'm stuck in this vicious circle of self abuse.<br /><br />What a deep first entry!!! sorry<br /><br />My mum wants to take me to the doctors, but I'm worried I'll get put on antidepressants which I really dont want. Or worst she will mention my weight.<br /><br />Love and hugs x<br /><br /></font></font>